tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71324856887490411392024-03-12T20:11:08.332-04:00State Home For The UglyPROSECUTEDT TO THE FULL EXTENT OF THE JAM.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-46354003087124402962010-04-19T23:39:00.000-04:002010-04-19T23:39:10.058-04:00I've moved!Nuts to you, blogspot! Head on over to <a href="http://uglystate.com/">uglystate.com</a>, guys! It's the place to be.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-21189215528790376232010-03-24T02:36:00.003-04:002010-03-24T02:37:28.267-04:00My PokemansBehold! My latest team of Hall of Famers!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/chikorita.png"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-144" height="80" src="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/chikorita.png" title="chikorita" width="80" /></a><br />
<br />
My Chikorita was named Carmen! She grew to become a Bayleef, then a Meganium! She wasn't as strong as I'd hoped, but I loved her anyway.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/cyndaquil.png" style="text-decoration: none;"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-145" height="80" src="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/cyndaquil.png" title="cyndaquil" width="80" /></a><br />
<br />
My Cyndaquil was named Camille! I imported her from Pokemon Pearl. She was level 1. Now she is almost level 50! She was a late bloomer, evolving into a Quilava and then a Typhlosion far later than usual. Maybe that's because she's actually a he. I didn't notice her sex until now! I'm sorry, Camille. You probably had a rough time at Pokemon Day Care thanks to my careless naming.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/slowking.png"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-146" height="80" src="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/slowking.png" title="slowking" width="80" /></a><br />
<br />
My Slowking is named Cork. She was once a Slowpoke. The Slowpoke is one of the stupidest Pokemon, but Slowking has big brains. This quote from Bulbapedia explains it all: "Slowking are regular Slowpoke who suffered a peculiar event. The King's Rock they rarely hold attracts Shellder, and gets bitten on its head instead of its tail. The poison that some Shellder secretes reached Slowpoke's brain, turning it extremely intelligent." This is why Pokemon is the best. This is why Slowking is my new favorite Pokemon.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/mareep.png"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-148" height="80" src="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/mareep.png" title="mareep" width="80" /></a><br />
<br />
My Mareep was named Sheep Man. Probably not the most original name! But he was a sheep before leveling up and turning into some weird kangaroo thing. I kinda wish I'd kept him cute forever, but that would have been cruel, right? A true Pokemon master respects his Pokemon. He lets them grow.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/miltank.png" style="text-decoration: none;"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-149" height="80" src="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/miltank.png" title="miltank" width="80" /></a><br />
<br />
My Miltank is named Pasteur. Is Miltank the happiest Pokemon? I think so.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/hoothoot.png" style="text-decoration: none;"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-151" height="80" src="http://uglystate.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/hoothoot.png" title="hoothoot" width="80" /></a><br />
<br />
My Hoothoot was named Toot, a name I wasn't really fond of but was too lazy to change. Maybe that is why he always lagged behind, level-wise. Maybe that is why I gave him the boot before the Elite Four, replacing him with a Lugia named Giorgio. I usually don't use legendary Pokemon, but Toots wasn't pulling his weight. Someone had to step in. Giorgio did an acceptable job, but I feel guilty about it now. You belong in the Hall of Fame, Toot. Please forgive me for being a failure as a Pokemon trainer!<br />
<br />
I had this party from the get go. Yeah, a few of them were traded from Pokemon Pearl -- which you can do within minutes of starting the game, which is one of the great improvements in this version, along with the snappier battles and interface -- but they were babies. No one had a head start! And while it was not the most well-balanced party it was <i>my</i> party, and I wasn't going to break it up, even if things got rough! I was under-leveled and ill prepared for the final battle! I had to reset many times. But I eventually took down all those Dragonites. I won the game, and its name was Pokemon Soul Silver!<br />
<br />
I wasn't sure Pokemon could be enjoyable when played as a straight RPG. I feared that my love for it was shallow, nothing more than OCD checklist bullshit made palatable thanks to an exceedingly cute package. But after blasting through this one without bothering to catch 'em all I've learned that my fears were unfounded, and Silver holds up quite well as a Dragon Quest-style RPG. It's surprisingly open, offering far less guidance and more alternate paths, side quests, and mini-games than many modern games aimed at older players. It's a game that doesn't mind if you get lost for a bit. Probably because that helps sell strategy guides. But still! It's a game for children that didn't treat me like I was a child. It let me explore, make mistakes, and dress up like a member of Team Rocket. There are few mandatory tutorials. There is lots of discovery. That is what makes an RPG good. Not complex battle systems or an epic storyline, but a game world that's worth discovering and open to letting me discover it. And any world teeming with Miltanks, Swinubs and Luvdiscs is a world worth discovering.<br />
<br />
They really gotta ditch HMs for the next game, though. Those things are the worst.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-5948460029828673362010-03-19T03:29:00.001-04:002010-03-19T03:33:14.840-04:00Flip-Flops<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S6MQ7dZ4SMI/AAAAAAAAAIk/4vFGnvJjktI/s1600-h/sonic-%26-sega-all-stars-racing-billy-hatcher-amigo-monkey-ball-track.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S6MQ7dZ4SMI/AAAAAAAAAIk/4vFGnvJjktI/s320/sonic-%26-sega-all-stars-racing-billy-hatcher-amigo-monkey-ball-track.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Last time I posted I was pretty sleep deprived! And the games I posted about? I was sleep deprived while playing them, too. It's now two weeks later, and I am well-rested and well-played. I see things with fresh eyes! I see the beauty in Espgaluda 2: Black Label.<br />
<br />
I can't explain its beauty, because to be honest I am still somewhat fuzzy on the game's scoring system. Some runs I will have few points. Some runs I will have far more points. I don't really know what I did differently to earn those extra points! But when I earn them it is beautiful. The entire screen turns purple, then gold, and my score grows very fat very fast. I am still not big on the original version, but Black Label is a very good time. I am glad I gave you a second chance, Espgaluda 2! I am glad I got some sleep.<br />
<br />
I somewhat regret calling Mega Man 10 clever. I actually haven't played it in two weeks, but when I did play it I wasn't all there, you know? Maybe it's not as good as I thought! Maybe this is Mega Man 5 all over again, except now I'm blinded by Sheep Man rather than Gravity Man? But I don't think that's the case. It's no Mega Man 9, but Mega Man 9 is up there with Mega Man 2 as far as I'm concerned. 10 is perfectly good. I will get back to it soon enough!<br />
<br />
Another game I was playing heavily but thankfully did not make a positive post about is...hold on, I need to go look up the proper title, because it's really damn long...ah, yes, Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing. I'd written the game off, because the 360 demo was a mess, and Sumo Digital really didn't do a very good job with Sonic Virtua Tennis or whatever it was. But man, I saw some videos of Opa-Opa drifting around one of the technicolor Samba de Amigo tracks and I melted. Maybe I was wrong! Maybe the game turned out alright after all?<br />
<br />
And yeah, it's alright. It's more than alright. It's very good at times. It's very much Outrun Kart, which is a good thing. Linking drifts together is satisfying! You will be driving sideways for half the race, and I say there is nothing wrong with that. The game is loaded with Sega Blue Skies combined with some cute track design -- often the tracks mimic the level design of the source game, with the Sonic stages having plenty of loops, the Jet Set Radio stages emphasizing jumps and tricks, and the Monkey Ball stages are loaded with narrow pathways and hairpin turns. The single player lifts its structure from the console ports of Outrun 2, and is surprisingly robust and enjoyable despite so much of the content being locked from the start. It has Billy Hatcher. It has no Blue Shell. And the pirate themed stage is covered in Dreamcast logos. I laughed! <br />
<br />
So I was in love with the game for a few days. I told all my friends this is the real deal! This is Outrun Kart! Let's all spend money and race each other on the internet! But soon enough the honeymoon was over, and man, I felt like a jerk. Soon enough I had all the tracks unlocked, and for every track with Blue Skies there was one dark as pitch, with hard to spot obstacles, framerate issues, and (seemingly unintentional) misleadingly telegraphed turns. For every Billy Hatcher there was a Shadow the Hedgehog. And for every competently executed single player element there was a similarly botched multiplayer feature. Like how no two racers can choose the same character, something not even Mario Kart does nowadays. And maybe that wouldn't be an issue if the character balance wasn't so completely screwed. Motorcycles have great acceleration and can do wheelies on straightaways for boost! Karts can't. Karts suck. And intelligent item usage is not enough to overcome the lack of character balance, because the items are just as screwy. Many defensive items, many area of effect items, but no Blue Shell. If you're lucky enough to emerge unscathed from the opening salvo -- and doing so requires equal parts luck, character choice, and skill -- more often than not the race is yours, even if you do make the occasional error. The battered racers will most likely spend the remainder of the race getting gangbanged by triple-boxing gloves and airhorns and mines, while the leader cruises ahead, safe as can be. Perhaps someone will break away from the pack, but the best they'll manage is a second place finish, usually 5 to 10 seconds behind the winner, with a similar gap between second and third. Usually the top finishers will come from the same pool of players, but rarely is one racer dominant. Rarely is a multiplayer race tight and exciting. Usually it's a yawnfest that's decided before the first lap is up. And this is a shame, because had they put a bit more thought into the item set beyond "clone Mario Kart's but remove the one everyone bitches about" they would have had a game that tops Mario Kart. As it is it's the worst kind of game; one that could, with some minor tweaks, be so very good, but thanks to these easily fixable balance issues the game has no longevity, and I kinda regret playing it at all. Fan service can only take you so far, y'know?<br />
<br />
Unless it's Phantasy Star fan service. I would have overlooked any faults had the game had Alis riding a Land Rover, man.<br />
<br />
I apologize to all the friends I mislead! I owe you guys a gift. Free copies of Deadly Premonition for all!N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-61483314975236418512010-03-03T09:30:00.000-05:002010-03-03T09:30:19.301-05:00Double Up!Boy! What a week for Video Games! It is like they are releasing sequels to many of my past loves all at once, and two of them arrived at my house on the very same day! Too much! I stole the images in this post from the internet. Sorry, internet! <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S45o5WY0usI/AAAAAAAAAIU/kHjZmmZtm_s/s1600-h/mega-man-10-strike-man.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S45o5WY0usI/AAAAAAAAAIU/kHjZmmZtm_s/s320/mega-man-10-strike-man.png" /></a></div><br />
Mega Man 10 can be very clever. I've mostly avoided reading other people's impressions but I saw a few quotes taking it to task for being "just another Mega Man sequel" and "by the numbers." Which if true is perfectly fine by me! But from what I've played the game feels pretty fresh, or as fresh as a faithful entry in a 25 year old series can be. I think there was some real effort put into mixing things up, as there's less straight platforming and more stages built around puzzle-y gimmicks. Gimmick platforms. Physics gimmicks. This isn't a bad thing as far as I'm concerned. I am cool with gimmicks. The best stages post-Mega Man 3 tended to be the gimmicky ones. Why, Gravity Man's stage in Mega Man 5 was so fantastic it briefly tricked me into thinking the entire game was one of the best in the series! I get the feeling IntiCreates knew they nailed the Mega Man 2 style with the last game so they decided to make the best possible Mega Man 4-7 compilation they could!<br />
<br />
OK, maybe that's a stretch. Now that I think about it Mega Man 9 had plenty of gimmicks too -- Hornet Man had those rolled up platforms, Splash Woman had the bubbles, Jewel Man had the swinging platforms, etc. It feels like they play a larger role in 10, though, and I don't think any of them are recycled from prior games. May be mistaken on that though. Ten games! They all run together after awhile, y'know?<br />
<br />
Currently my favorite stages are Sheep Man, because it's Sheep Man, and Strike Man, because it's like Mega Man stumbled into a Famicom baseball title from 1984.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S45tWd9AUSI/AAAAAAAAAIc/_1blPqnL0gk/s1600-h/espgaluda-2-black-label-xbox-360.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S45tWd9AUSI/AAAAAAAAAIc/_1blPqnL0gk/s320/espgaluda-2-black-label-xbox-360.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Espgaluda may be my favorite game of all time. Some days I prefer Dodonpachi for its buttrock, spaceships, explosions, and relative simplicity. Other days I prefer Ketsui for its excellent scoring system that encourages high risk play. But I think Espgaluda's on top most days. It's probably the easiest of all Cave shooters, which I appreciate because I am not as good at these games as I wish I was. Its character art is pretty ugly, but the stage design is lovely and its scoring system encourages experimentation and Self-Expression...! while still being relatively easy to understand. Perhaps there's a perfect Espgaluda playthrough video out there, but I never want to see it. It's a game that doesn't make me want to cheat to win. It's a rarity!<br />
<br />
So I was pretty excited when Espgaluda 2 was released. I waited years for the PCB to drop to a level where I could afford it, but unfortunately that never really happened. Once the Neo Geo died its collectors had to move on to something else, and they chose Cave games. So now Cave PCBs sell for twice what they used to and newer releases rarely drop below $600. Once upon a time I paid $275 for Ketsui! That was a good time. Now you'll be lucky to find the game for less than $900.<br />
<br />
But as good as the past was it is not as good as the present. Now Cave games are getting console releases! And some of them are region free. Some of them are localized! I never thought I'd see the day. Espgaluda 2 is the fourth Cave shooter released for the 360. Ketsui, Guwange, and Death Smiles 2 are all coming sometime this year. Seven Cave games on one console! Don't listen to the old folks: this is the best console generation of all times.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately Espgaluda 2 is not the best of all games. I will not say it is bad. I am sure there are folks who love it. But after spending two days with it I am ready to give up. This is very much a game that's Not For Me. It's the hardest Cave game I have ever played, and maybe the most confusing when it comes to mechanics. I have read numerous posts on message boards explaining the scoring system and I am still at a loss. It's like they were all written in a foreign language. Which they kinda were, since half the terms used are Japanese. Maybe if I had a better grasp on the game's systems it wouldn't seem so difficult, though that's unlikely, since I've seen plenty of seasoned players griping about the difficulty. My main issue is the boss fights, which last an eternity. Perhaps there's some trick to clearing them faster? Maybe I should watch some more replays? Maybe I will understand them this time, unlike my previous attempts, where I just sat there with my brow furrowed and my mouth hanging open, wondering what the hell was going on?<br />
<br />
The game has many modes, half of which are for novice players, but unfortunately those are too easy. I one-life-cleared one of them. Maybe two! It's all a blur right now. I'm going to wait a few more days, hope someone writes a quality guide to Black Label (which is an all new mode and seems maybe a tiny bit friendlier than the arcade version?), and give the game another shot. I doubt it will ever click, though. I should just go back to focusing on Mushihimesama Futari. Gotta get that one credit clear!N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-82287911596514130332010-02-28T15:17:00.000-05:002010-02-28T15:17:26.823-05:00You Caught A Garbage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S4p9xdY_o7I/AAAAAAAAAIE/i8ebt0ULmnI/s1600-h/deadly-premonition-hotel-breakfast-polly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S4p9xdY_o7I/AAAAAAAAAIE/i8ebt0ULmnI/s400/deadly-premonition-hotel-breakfast-polly.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
My current video game love is Deadly Premonition. It cost me $20. It's an open world murder mystery game with survival horror elements. It's heavily reminiscent of Twin Peaks. Some folks claim it's a bad game. They are wrong. Some people claim the game is "so-bad-it's-good." These people are even more wrong. This is not a piece of accidental camp. It's a game that's aware of just how absurd it is. It's aware that it's a flawed game on many levels, but many of its flaws end up becoming strengths, while others are easily overlooked because they don't get in the way of what the game does well.<br />
<br />
Deadly Premonition is a better Shenmue. A Shenmue made with zero budget rather than the largest in video game history. A Shenmue made by a Yu Suzuki who spent his formative years obsessing over David Lynch and B-movies instead of guitars and sports cars. A Shenmue where the infrequent action sequences play out like a low rent Resident Evil 4 rather than a low rent Virtua Fighter. A Shenmue where the cast is comprised solely of bizarre, creepy characters not due to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuz8qtgXRuE">ineptitude,</a> but by design. It's a design that lifts wholesale from 20-30 year old American films, which is usually a strong negative, but here it works. Because in the end this is a video game that's cool with being a video game, rather than a video game that wishes it was anything but.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S4p9A3PML1I/AAAAAAAAAHs/lsTrai0w-lY/s1600-h/deadly-premonition-pause-screen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S4p9A3PML1I/AAAAAAAAAHs/lsTrai0w-lY/s400/deadly-premonition-pause-screen.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
To me that distinction is what makes or breaks a game that places an emphasis on story. I suspect Deadly Premonition is at least partially influenced by Grand Theft Auto 4, which was very much a self-loathing video game. Its attempts at drama were spoiled by terrible writing and a lead character whose behavior during cutscenes clashed terribly with the actions required of the player during the scripted missions, and its obsession with "realism" crippled the game on nearly every level. You had this amazingly detailed world but there was absolutely nothing interesting to do in it.<br />
<br />
Deadly Premonition is guilty of many of the same sins as GTA4. Awkward controls, goofy car handling, a huge game world without much to do. Yet I can forgive Deadly Premonition because its world is interesting, and it's interesting largely because it's so wrong. GTA4 is filled with uncanny valley game and world design that highlights the narrative's flaws and foils any sense of immersion, but the wrongness of Deadly Premonition's environment is a strength. It's the Pacific Northwest modeled by people who have probably never been to the Pacific Northwest but watched a whole lot of Twin Peaks. And since this is a game that so badly wants to be Twin Peaks this awkwardness meshes perfectly with the game's themes and narrative. The interiors of the homes have bizarre dimensions, with rooms that feel like they're the size of gymnasiums and staircases that lead to nowhere. Your car's speed tops out at 55MPH, leading me to suspect that the devs heard Sammy Hagar's "I Can't Drive 55" and took the song a bit too literally. Items are priced as if one yen was equivalent to a dollar rather than a penny, with a cup of coffee costing $16.50, a fishing rod running $125.95, and if you need some bait for that rod you're paying $119.34 for run of the mill earthworms -- dig the arbitrary change tacked onto the end of every price tag. Business hours are also bizarre. One morning after waking I headed to town to break my fast at the local diner. I arrived past 9AM only to find it closed. Same deal with the bar when I quit my investigation later that night -- the watering hole was shuttered before the clock had even struck 10PM. The town of Greenvale has some strict blue laws, I guess.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S4p9TrjEmVI/AAAAAAAAAH0/KELl3abwPqU/s1600-h/deadly-premonition-absurd-driving-controls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S4p9TrjEmVI/AAAAAAAAAH0/KELl3abwPqU/s400/deadly-premonition-absurd-driving-controls.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
So when you're presented with a world so very off-model it makes total sense that half the residential mailboxes in town are filled ammunition. It's not jarring at all when you open a refrigerator to discover it's empty aside from a trading card for a Turkey Sandwich -- a sandwich which is, according to the card, a most excellent turkey sandwich, because its meat is moist, but not moist enough to make the bread soggy. Game-y bullshit is both acceptable and welcome when the lead character is a goofball FBI agent who regularly speaks out loud to his Split Personality/You. He's fond of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and Fred Ward's filmography, and he wants you to know all about it. So it seemed perfectly natural that we'd conduct our first interrogation in the middle of the street. I stood in front of the suspect's car. I knew he was a suspect because he had a giant balloon that said SUSPECT above his head. Our conversation was drowned out by the honk of a car horn. The suspect's car was the only one in sight, and he had both hands on the wheel, so it must have been his horn malfunctioning. It makes sense that Agent York would just ignore it, because the character is insane, and whether this was a known bug that was intentionally left in or a happy accident isn't relevant -- either way it enhanced the scene, making an odd, entertaining conversation all the more bizarre. You'll find lots of moments like that in this game, enough that it quickly becomes apparent that they're not the result of ineptitude but a developer who sees the value of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killer_BOB#Conceptual_history">happy accidents.</a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S4p93lSZX2I/AAAAAAAAAIM/0dl1k37gegA/s1600-h/deadly-premonition-fiona-freckles-trading-card.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="261" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S4p93lSZX2I/AAAAAAAAAIM/0dl1k37gegA/s400/deadly-premonition-fiona-freckles-trading-card.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
To me the ultimate sign that the game's effectiveness is due to intentional design choices rather than camp ineptitude is the lack of incongruity between<i> my</i> Agent York's actions, the behavior of the scripted Agent York, and the goals of the side missions. This is a rarity in the genre. My Agent York is a goofy fellow who likes to take naps wherever he can. His favorite spot is the cot behind the log cabin in the graveyard. My Agent York appreciates that he can shave in any sink he finds, but prefers to deal with his five o'clock shadow in the Greenvale Police department's kitchen. My Agent York peeps into every window he finds, hoping to get a glimpse at some naughty business going on inside. He has yet to find any. Just kids doing their homework and bearded, lumpy men sitting in bed. And my Agent York is the kind of guy who gets fined for being a "stinky agent." He went a few days without changing clothes, OK? It happens. No big deal. Just had to rush back to the hotel to change before the big town meeting. Couldn't give my introductory speech to the townspeople with flies swarming around me, y'know? These are all actions that are totally in-character for a guy who talks out loud to his imaginary friend during police lunches and reads fortunes into the shapes formed by the milk in his morning coffee. Compare this to the aforementioned Shenmue, where super-serious Ryo Hazuki is <i>so</i> going to track down those sailors once he finishes buying capsule toys and playing Hang-On. Or GTA4, where angst-ridden Niko is fed up with killing and swears he'll quit once he can afford it, yet my HUD shows I've got millions in the bank and nothing to spend it on. Deadly Premonition may look cheap and have stupid fucking QTEs, but SWERY is ten times the writer the Housers or David Cage is solely because his characters are batshit insane on purpose.<br />
<br />
I'll probably be posting about this game a lot. Maybe my enthusiasms are premature. Maybe it will fall apart near the end. I pray it doesn't. I love this game.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-1595588439659840712010-02-20T05:32:00.002-05:002010-02-20T05:37:01.512-05:00We Are Only Natural<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S25x-pXP95I/AAAAAAAAAF8/IWHf-OQzDoc/s1600-h/Sonic-The-Hedgehog-2-Casino-Night-Zone-Boss-Robotnik.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> </a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S25ze9GcljI/AAAAAAAAAGE/O8KyNAtHrg8/s1600-h/Sonic-The-Hedgehog-taps-foot-labyrinth-zone.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S25ze9GcljI/AAAAAAAAAGE/O8KyNAtHrg8/s320/Sonic-The-Hedgehog-taps-foot-labyrinth-zone.png" /></a></div><br />
Is there a romhack that cuts Labyrinth Zone from Sonic the Hedgehog? If not there should be. It's a pockmark on an otherwise lovely game. It's usually where I quit whenever I replay Sonic, which is a shame cuz it's like the third stage. But today I used the level select code to bypass that underwater bullshit and had a grand time up until the final stage, when Sonic once again goes under the sea. That slowpoke aquatic adventure is followed followed by a final Flasher* Robotnik boss fight that I didn't have the patience to deal with. Not even with save states. I just quit the game and watched the ending on youtube. It was cute.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S25zhjFcyBI/AAAAAAAAAGM/ycfJqmruE78/s1600-h/Sonic-The-Hedgehog-drowns-labyrinth-zone.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S25zhjFcyBI/AAAAAAAAAGM/ycfJqmruE78/s320/Sonic-The-Hedgehog-drowns-labyrinth-zone.png" /></a></div><br />
<i>*I hereby dub any boss that makes you wait around before showing its weakpoint a Flasher. One of the most overused, unenjoyable staples of game design. Bayonetta was rife with it. GOD HAND wasn't. Another reason why GOD HAND is the best 3D action game ever made!</i><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S25x-pXP95I/AAAAAAAAAF8/IWHf-OQzDoc/s1600-h/Sonic-The-Hedgehog-2-Casino-Night-Zone-Boss-Robotnik.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S25x-pXP95I/AAAAAAAAAF8/IWHf-OQzDoc/s320/Sonic-The-Hedgehog-2-Casino-Night-Zone-Boss-Robotnik.png" /></a></div><br />
After (kinda) beating Sonic 1 I loaded up Sonic 2, thinking I'd just dick around in it for a minute or two. I ended up playing through the entire thing in one sitting. Which didn't take long. Like an hour. But it was a really enjoyable hour! Sonic 2 is a much better game than I remembered.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S3-z5zGaR_I/AAAAAAAAAHk/O6e3Y8QWW7E/s1600-h/sonic-the-hedgehog-2-death-egg-boom.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S3-z5zGaR_I/AAAAAAAAAHk/O6e3Y8QWW7E/s320/sonic-the-hedgehog-2-death-egg-boom.png" /></a></div><br />
It's obviously a rushed sequel, but it's not nearly the clone of the first I remembered it being. It's got its own charm, and its own set of flaws. I'm thinking the bad rep the Genesis games have in some circles is mostly thanks to 2. It is very much "hold right to win" for the bulk of the game, but I was digging the lack of difficulty. Probably because I hadn't just paid $60 for it. And also because the breezy pace was refreshing after playing the original, with its totally bizarre level order, longer chapters (three acts per zone vs. the sequel's two) and difficulty spikes. 2's difficulty curve is much more traditional, but unfortunately it shoots way up once you hit Metropolis Zone. This is where the game fully descends into cheap bullshit death hell. I did run into the occasional what-the-- death during the first 2/3 of the game, but it wasn't much of an issue because it was so easy. I don't think I ever died in the same stage twice. And the zones all ended before I could tire of their gimmicks. But Metropolis Zone is the longest zone in the game, and it is pretty crap. As is the airship stage. But the stage inbetween the two where you ride Tails's plane is a nice change of pace. Lets you chill a bit before getting back to the dumb bullshit.<br />
<br />
While playing I realized I've grown to like Tails. He's quite cute. Sonic's only non-shitty friend, maybe? Aside from <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAau0HYtLw0">Big the Cat</a>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S25zu3ByVuI/AAAAAAAAAGc/HuMcsCG4LS4/s1600-h/Sonic-The-Hedgehog-2-Death-Egg-Zone-Robotnik-Boss.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S25zu3ByVuI/AAAAAAAAAGc/HuMcsCG4LS4/s320/Sonic-The-Hedgehog-2-Death-Egg-Zone-Robotnik-Boss.png" /></a></div><br />
Maybe the best thing about New Super Mario Bros. Wii was the final boss, because it's what platform game bosses should be. It wasn't about sitting around, waiting for the boss to flash his weakpoint, or throwing the boss's own weapons back at him. It was another jumping sequence. It was pretty great.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S25zowVXKXI/AAAAAAAAAGU/-aLAP9BujPo/s1600-h/Sonic-The-Hedgehog-2-Ending.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S25zowVXKXI/AAAAAAAAAGU/-aLAP9BujPo/s320/Sonic-The-Hedgehog-2-Ending.png" /></a></div><br />
I'm going to finish Sonic 3 sometime soon. I'm not sure I played through it when it came out. I borrowed it from a friend and never returned it. I remember being offended by the inclusion of a save feature, but also irritated that it wasn't as exploration heavy as Super Mario World. KIDS. They don't make any sense!<br />
<br />
Sonic 4 is going to suck so bad.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-84185741729032059922010-02-10T06:55:00.000-05:002010-02-10T06:55:43.899-05:00!~Random Screenshots of MYSTERY~!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S3Kc9d5YzQI/AAAAAAAAAHM/CUKokr4RQaQ/s1600-h/111.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S3Kc9d5YzQI/AAAAAAAAAHM/CUKokr4RQaQ/s320/111.png" /></a></div>I can't for the life of me remember what game these screenshots come from. It's gotta be an RPG, right?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S3Kc-7j0eaI/AAAAAAAAAHU/wD7bzz2gOAM/s1600-h/112.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S3Kc-7j0eaI/AAAAAAAAAHU/wD7bzz2gOAM/s320/112.png" /></a></div><br />
The character art is too fabulous. I am sure if it had received a commercial release I would have seen these squat li'l folks as forum avatars many times over. It has to be a translation hack!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S3KdrOJfJwI/AAAAAAAAAHc/c-y_gdGOHO8/s1600-h/foreigner.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S3KdrOJfJwI/AAAAAAAAAHc/c-y_gdGOHO8/s320/foreigner.png" /></a></div>See? The game knows it's been hacked. It's self-aware. It disapproved of my playing it. That must have been why I quit.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-51289272836323401122010-02-07T03:52:00.002-05:002010-02-08T02:58:15.384-05:00Strong StyleI named my character Jumbo, after <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oW1WeLenxeo">my favorite pro-wrestler.</a> Live-A-Live's Jumbo didn't live up to his real-world namesake. Jumbo Tsuruta was a big, surly man, while my Jumbo was a pipsqueak. A pretty boy. He wore a headband, a purple tanktop, and poofy yellow pants. Generic shonen fight manga lead circa...circa-I-dunno, I-didn't-grow-up-in-Japan. He started soft, and as far as I'm concerned he ended soft, because even though he defeated all his opponents he still looked like he weighed a buck-fifty soaking wet. You can't draw crowds with a physique like that. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S253DYoavAI/AAAAAAAAAGk/1RCKNCK1iVI/s1600-h/live-a-live-pro-wrestling-choose-your-opponent.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S253DYoavAI/AAAAAAAAAGk/1RCKNCK1iVI/s320/live-a-live-pro-wrestling-choose-your-opponent.png" /></a></div><br />
But the freaks in that screenshot? They can draw. They've been around. They have the ultimate techniques. It's Jumbo's job to <i>steal </i>these techniques. When an opponent uses a special move on Jumbo there's a chance he might learn it. He's pretty much a slightly-roided-up Blue Mage from a Final Fantasy game, and this chapter is pretty much modeled after Street Fighter, but with turnbased battles and no real RPG elementz~! aside from the move stealing. Actually the choosing your opponent bit is kinda like Mega Man, since you may be able to beat the wrestlers in any order if you play smart (though I'm not entirely certain about that), but it's far easier if you have moves they're weak against.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S255ihIYLSI/AAAAAAAAAGs/yywWaK9h2FE/s1600-h/live-a-live-pro-wrestling-kickboxing-lady-boy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S255ihIYLSI/AAAAAAAAAGs/yywWaK9h2FE/s320/live-a-live-pro-wrestling-kickboxing-lady-boy.png" /></a></div><br />
I chose the Thai kickboxing ladyboy as my first opponent. I figured the he-she would be an easy mark. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S255lwtX6vI/AAAAAAAAAG0/OnS6_vjWlcM/s1600-h/live-a-live-pro-wrestling-lady-boy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S255lwtX6vI/AAAAAAAAAG0/OnS6_vjWlcM/s320/live-a-live-pro-wrestling-lady-boy.png" /></a></div><br />
I was wrong.<br />
<br />
The Volk Han/Russian MMA dude crushed me as well. I was fucked and humbled. But the fat guy went <i>down.</i> I stole his move. I used it to break the Great Asia's <i>fucking neck.</i><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S256qKqE46I/AAAAAAAAAG8/uR0NoqBKLug/s1600-h/live-a-live-pro-wrestling-great-asia.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S256qKqE46I/AAAAAAAAAG8/uR0NoqBKLug/s320/live-a-live-pro-wrestling-great-asia.png" /></a></div><br />
And from then on it was easy street. I just played sensibly and used moves that would theoretically work on my opponent in a real wrestling match. For example: the Hulk Hogan like-a-look is like five times not-so-Jumbo's size. One axe-bomber clothesline and I'm dead. So what do I do?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S2573y4xbVI/AAAAAAAAAHE/akuWVZAQadk/s1600-h/live-a-live-pro-wrestling-hulk-hogan.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S2573y4xbVI/AAAAAAAAAHE/akuWVZAQadk/s320/live-a-live-pro-wrestling-hulk-hogan.png" /></a></div>I use high-speed moves that injure his limbs, rendering him unable to move, and finish him off from a distance using high-flying moves. Crazy! There's a bit of logic going on there! In an RPG. And I didn't need to cast some analyze spell or check a menu screen to figure out the weak point. How about that.<br />
<br />
I guess I'm easily impressed, huh? Overall the pro-wrestling chapter's a disappointment, though. There is nothing to it aside from these battles. There are no towns, no exploration, no adoring fans, no ring rats, no drug-dealing doctors. Skimpy, skimpy, skimpy. The story is incredibly light, with an intro showing the hero training, brief pre-match promos from your opponents, and an out-of-nowhere final boss named "Odie Oldbright". I think his design was based on the villain from "Highlander". He's killed all your prior rivals and now he's come for you. He killed me many times. I felt dumb. I felt like I missed a special move that would off him in one hit. Then I smartened up. I realized he couldn't perform his one-hit kill move if I stood in a different position. I realized that in this game debuffs not only work, but they <i>stack,</i> which makes it unlike just about every Final Fantasy game. My prior genre experience was working against me! I was not experimenting like I should have. Once I figured this out I was able to repeatedly do the suplex-or-whatever that cut the Odie's stats in half, until he couldn't move at all, and then I put on the Crippler Crossface and choked him to death. The End. Jumbo walks off into the sunset with a gymbag on his shoulder, in search of his next great challenge. Or some shit like that. I don't even remember what happened.<br />
<br />
I'm sure the other chapters are better than this one. But man, the pro-wrestling one should have been <i>the best</i>. There is so much good stuff to work with, but it was so barebones and generic fight-manga formula that there was no satisfaction. Oh well! I still appreciate the little things it got right. That brains (or knowledge of PURORESU -- same thing!) were more important than levels and stats. <br />
<br />
If I get to pick my final party during the finale no way is Jumbo gonna end up in it, though. He's so lame.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-77469801502670471892010-02-03T09:56:00.000-05:002010-02-03T09:56:49.251-05:00Lonesome On The Trail<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S2lnV981XXI/AAAAAAAAAFU/rEBmmJqSwRU/s1600-h/amigos.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S2lfJ0dT07I/AAAAAAAAAFM/-it96VoD7jQ/s1600-h/livealive.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433979047704253362" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S2lfJ0dT07I/AAAAAAAAAFM/-it96VoD7jQ/s400/livealive.png" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 234px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 255px;" /></a><br />
<div>It's winter! A pretty decent one so far, mainly because my home has had heat more often than not. The past was often chilly! The present is pretty toasty. Not as hot as, say, a whorehouse on nickel night, but warm enough to keep me jolly. But despite all the warmth inside it is still frozen and dead outside. It's a lonely season, and that means it's the perfect time for the loneliest genre: the RPG!</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div>The winter RPG has become a tradition of mine, one I wasn't even aware of until I went through my previous posts. Last year I played through <a href="http://uglystate.blogspot.com/search/label/SaGa">Final Fantasy Legend</a>, which was fabulously retarded, and <a href="http://uglystate.blogspot.com/2009/01/cosmic-surfing.html">Star Ocean</a>, which was only made tolerable thanks to all the cheating I did. In '08 my regular Saturday night thing was Blue Dragon, a good game that I would never actually recommend to anyone, so maybe it's actually a bad game. Its battles were both its greatest strength and biggest weakness, as they could be relatively challenging and enjoyable (provided you downloaded the free Hard Mode) yet they dragged on for far too long thanks to all the needless battle animation. The boss fights never dragged, though. The boss fights <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8YVNSXyH6c">rocked</a>. I think at 1:25 in you can hear the sound of Ian Gillan's throat collapsing in on itself.</div><div><br />
</div><div><div>And prior to '08 there was Super Robot Taisen Original Generation. There was Shin Megami Tensei 3. There was Dragon Quest 8. There was Dark Cloud 2. There was Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter. There was my 21st century playthrough of Dragon Warrior. There was WoW. There were lots of good times spent under a blanket all by my lonesome, mashing the X button, grinding away. Except WoW was mainly sad times spent in front of a computer, grinding away, feeling sick and wishing I was dead. There are no fond WoW memories. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I auditioned a few games for the role of Ms. RPG 2010, and in the end Dragon Quest V won. I'll probably post about it eventually. But for now I think I'll talk about one of the ones that didn't make it. I'm gonna talk about the two hours I spent with Live-A-Live.</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434024098584195858" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S2mIIIEF8xI/AAAAAAAAAFs/JMYWJJ6zr_s/s400/lead.png" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 234px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center; width: 255px;" /></span></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #0000ee;"><br />
</span></div></div></div><div>Live-A-Live was almost the one. It has an interesting gimmick -- seven standalone bite-size chapters that can be played in any order, each with their own unique theme. I completed two of them, Western first, Pro-Wrestling second. And the Western bit was pretty tight. About an hour long. I think there were only two or three battles. Most of my time was spent reading text and wandering around town, collecting items and setting booby-traps. But it was enjoyable in a way most modern jRPGs aren't, because it was so simple. You've seen this story before, you know exactly where it's going, but it doesn't matter because it's brisk, the dialogue's amusing (though perhaps the <a href="http://agtp.romhack.net/project.php?id=lal">translators</a> deserve the credit for that), and seeing Western tropes competently done in a video game RPG is a novelty.</div><div><br />
</div><div>You play the role of the mysterious outlaw. He plays it all stoic but inside he's a softie, right? He strolls into a troubled town, tries to drink in peace, but the local troublemakers are harassing the women and children, and he just can't help but defend their honor. So he speaks up. Tells the lily livered coward to pick on someone his own size or something to that effect. And this triggers the greatest looping jRPG "YES/NO" sequence I've seen yet. (Which isn't saying much...but still!) The bully laughs at the Outlaw. Calls him a baby. Tells the bartender to serve our hero a baby's drink, and so a glass of milk slides down the bar, stopping in front of the Outlaw. I am given a choice.</div><div><br />
</div><div>"Drink."</div><div><br />
</div><div>"Send back."</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S2mE6bEwTSI/AAAAAAAAAFk/E90GWIiXMQA/s1600-h/drink.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434020564634193186" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S2mE6bEwTSI/AAAAAAAAAFk/E90GWIiXMQA/s400/drink.png" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 234px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center; width: 255px;" /></a></div><div><br />
</div><div>I drink it. The bully laughs and orders another. I drink it again. He orders another. I drink it again. He orders another. This went on for awhile. I thought maybe something would happen if I kept it up! <a href="http://i39.tinypic.com/2m82rgn.jpg">Maybe this time it will be different.</a> But no. If I want to progress I have to send the drink back. The bully laughs even harder. What, milk ain't good enough for ya? "Or don't ya drink any milk...that ain't from yer mama's nipples?"</div><div><br />
</div><div>OK, maybe after all this buildup it ain't that funny, but man, I laufed and laufed. Then I shot him in the gut and he died.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I smiled a lot during this hour. I smiled when I learned that the healing items are cigars and tequila. I smiled when I won a battle and the winning message was "RIGHT ON!" I smiled when I discovered my first piece of Dung, which can be used as a trap to whittle down the number of invading banditos during the chapter's climax. Another trap was a frying pan -- the item's flavor text describes it as the weapon of choice for hot-headed women. I smiled. The bulk of the game is spent searching the town for traps, which you then give to the town members, who arm them. There's a time limit. Different town members have different skills, so if you do a poor job of handing out the traps you may not have them all armed in time, making the final battle more difficult. Or so I assume. I had them all up and ready with plenty of time to spare. I can't imagine any player being bad enough to run out of time. Even though it's shallow I appreciate the attempt to do something different, something that ties into the plot and theme of the game, that in another game may feel like padding or busywork but here it worked, and had it been harder I probably wouldn't have been smiling. But I smiled when instruments dropped from the soundtrack each time I sent a band member to arm a trap, until it was just me and the fat, hopeless maracas man alone in the bar, his ceaseless "shake-shake-shake" taking the edge off the awkwardness of our lonely-time together.</div><div><br />
</div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433988052503846258" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S2lnV981XXI/AAAAAAAAAFU/rEBmmJqSwRU/s400/amigos.png" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 234px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center; width: 255px;" /></span></div></div><div><br />
</div><div>Little touches go a long way! I smiled when I healed myself using tequila but got drunk and was unable to control my dude. And died. Or, as the game put it, I "MET A BAD END".</div><div><div><br />
</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434018889160934386" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S2mDY5czQ_I/AAAAAAAAAFc/_wMZxkrrjVY/s320/battle.png" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 234px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center; width: 255px;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><div><br />
</div><div>The bandit leader has a gatling gun. I think that may even have been his name. "Gatling Gun". After killing him he turns into a horse. He was the personification of all the anger of the dead white men slaughtered by the godless redskins. Don't worry, that's not the biggest spoiler. There's some neat stuff after that! Stuff that shows just how hardcore the hero is. It was a satisfying ending. Again, you don't see many of those nowadays.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I'll post about the wrestling chapter tomorrow.</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; color: #0000ee;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434027681778922306" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S2mLYsgSc0I/AAAAAAAAAF0/lMkIrbgnahY/s400/theend.png" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 234px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center; width: 255px;" /></span></div></span></span></div></div><div></div>N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-67819463096395256552010-01-25T06:44:00.008-05:002010-01-25T07:03:23.463-05:00I Am So Busy, Here Are More Pokemon!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12Hq00jyMI/AAAAAAAAAFE/6IVPwN68ra0/s1600-h/dpmfa094.png" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 80px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12Hq00jyMI/AAAAAAAAAFE/6IVPwN68ra0/s400/dpmfa094.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430645895482034370" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">My Gengar is named <a href="http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04132007">The Onions!</a> He was a major part of my game-winning team.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12G50BLvDI/AAAAAAAAAEk/iULbeWDX_JM/s1600-h/dpmfa072.png"></a><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12G50BLvDI/AAAAAAAAAEk/iULbeWDX_JM/s1600-h/dpmfa072.png" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="text-align: center;display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 80px; height: 80px; " src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12G50BLvDI/AAAAAAAAAEk/iULbeWDX_JM/s400/dpmfa072.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430645053452958770" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">My Tentacool is named Overfiend.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12HiVHIaYI/AAAAAAAAAE8/HFvO4MJJYVI/s400/dpmfa273.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430645749531044226" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 80px; height: 80px; " /></span><div style="text-align: center;">My Seedot is named Baby Juice.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12HI1vSALI/AAAAAAAAAE0/gBNYEXqRJcs/s1600-h/dpmfa143.png" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 80px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12HI1vSALI/AAAAAAAAAE0/gBNYEXqRJcs/s400/dpmfa143.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430645311612780722" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">My Snorlax is named JAPAN. I got him in an online trade. His original master was a Japanese kid who is obviously quite patriotic.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12G_djVC7I/AAAAAAAAAEs/nk1vy5NzDsg/s1600-h/dpmfa194.png" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 80px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12G_djVC7I/AAAAAAAAAEs/nk1vy5NzDsg/s400/dpmfa194.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430645150501374898" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">My Wooper is named <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fueXtRg_t4s">Quad City</a>.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12GzXhlxBI/AAAAAAAAAEc/tS0CUf6GkB8/s1600-h/dpmfa054.png" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 80px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S12GzXhlxBI/AAAAAAAAAEc/tS0CUf6GkB8/s400/dpmfa054.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430644942725039122" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">My Psyduck is named Mom.</div></div></div>N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-22458117151738315112010-01-21T21:07:00.008-05:002010-02-08T03:08:49.804-05:00I Say He Made the Right Choice<div style="text-align: left;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/aF8VefV3DO8&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/aF8VefV3DO8&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br />
It's taken me a year but I finally did it! I ripped the ending to Metal Saga and uploaded it to Youtube! This is the first of the game's multiple endings. Since you can earn it within seconds of starting the game I would say it's the best ending. I haven't seen the others, but even if they're equally amusing they are worse because you have to actually <span style="font-style: italic;">play</span> the game to see them, and the game ain't all that great. I think you can speed up the battles, which is wonderful, but the game still felt pretty slow and barren. Not Japan's finest hour when it comes to open-ended RPGs.</div><br />
Metal Max Returns, on the other hand, seemed pretty neat from the brief time I spent with it. If you dig the idea of an open-ended, goofball, post-apocalyptic RPG you should give this <a href="http://agtp.romhack.net/project.php?id=mmr">fine translation</a> a shot! Or you could play Fallout, I guess. But Fallout doesn't have <span style="font-style: italic;">tanks</span>.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-86504600582158438832010-01-19T14:47:00.007-05:002010-01-19T19:04:07.740-05:00Avoid the Void Before Christ<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1YT-MmzcFI/AAAAAAAAAEU/hMR8qPebGYw/s1600-h/42.png" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 256px; height: 232px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1YT-MmzcFI/AAAAAAAAAEU/hMR8qPebGYw/s400/42.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5428548360098508882" /></a><div><div>Jet packs aren't as good as grappling hooks. I'm pretty sure every game I've played with a grappling hook was at least decent, and I think once you make the grappling hook your main mechanic there's a good chance your game will be great. Jet pack games should be just as good, but I'm starting to think the ability to easily float is an unsatisfying mechanic and encourages sloppy design. I think it may be why Dark Void Zero is such a disappointment. Or maybe it's because it's made by white people.</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, but I kid! White people can make awesome 2D games -- <a href="http://thelettervsixtim.es/">VVVVVV</a> came out a week ago and it's already GOTY! But Backbone and all their offshoots (one of which developed Dark Void Zero) don't make awesome 2D games. They make disappointments. Which is a shame, because big publishers keep giving them jobs, and because <a href="http://i39.tinypic.com/2m82rgn.jpg">I keep accidentally buying their games because I can't keep track of all their studios</a>, <i>and</i> because I can't trust other people's impressions when it comes to modern 2D games. A lot of fans are just sprite art fetishists, y'know? They'll praise anything as long as it controls halfway decent and the developers make it obvious enough that hey, they really love Nintendo too. This is why I've heard more about Dark Void Zero's intro, where you blow into the DSi's mic to "clean" an NES cartridge's contacts, than I have about the actual game. Easier to judge whether the game hits all the right nostalgia notes than whether it's actually good. </div><div><br /></div><div>And Dark Void Zero does get most of the surface bits right. It looks and sounds close enough to an NES game -- though the music is mixed far too low, which is a shame because it seems pretty good -- and handles like one, too. But it's a frustrating game. Not due to its challenge -- I beat it in under an hour on one credit on the default difficulty -- but cuz it's pretty inconsistent. The feel is off. It's pretty "30+ year old white folks trying to make an old fashioned Japanese action game". It's a jet pack game where you spend a good chunk of your time traversing tight horizontal corridors on foot. It's a jet pack game that frequently strips you of your jet pack and forces weaker weapons upon you, employing the ever popular and modern "strip the hero of all the powers he's earned" multiple times per stage. Your first glance at the game map may lead to expectations of an open ended, exploration heavy affair, like Metroid, but in reality it's a linear keyhunt that relies on lots of backtracking to create the illusion of an open ended, exploration heavy game, like all those modern games that claim to be inspired by Metroid. It's got an odd pace, feeling simultaneously rushed and padded. It does a poor job of giving audio and visual feedback -- there's very slight flickering when you get hit, making it hard to tell when you're taking damage. And the sound of shots that damage an enemy and shots that don't are identical, which sure made the boss fights tiring until I realized it was actually the worst style of boss fight: the kind where you have to sit around and wait for him to expose his weak point before you can do any damage! And there are collision detection issues, as I'd often be shooting a dude and it sure did look like he should have been hit but he totally <i>wasn't.</i> And the game crashed on me when I tried to read the manual, so I didn't know you could save until after I beat it and saw CONTINUE on the title screen. And the Jimmy Fallon cameos totally blow the "long lost NES game" vibe they were going for. </div><div><br /></div><div>And everybody hates a critic. Even me! I am being too mean. It is playable. It is close to being worth buying. But there are an awful lotta great NES games for the same price on Virtual Console. Why buy a sham when you can get the real deal? And if you only have a DSi buy Boxlife. Or Trajectile. Or any of those Art Style games. They're pretty neat.</div></div>N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-2782583619088604122010-01-17T03:51:00.013-05:002010-01-19T19:04:58.891-05:00Here are the names of some of my Pokemon!<div style="text-align: center;">I spent a lot of time playing Pokemon Pearl. Here are the names of some of my lovelies!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1LQaQasxjI/AAAAAAAAADc/-Pzg6WmT6N4/s1600-h/chansey.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 80px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1LQaQasxjI/AAAAAAAAADc/-Pzg6WmT6N4/s400/chansey.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427629650436998706" /></a><div style="text-align: center;">My Chansey is named Baby Hips.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 80px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1LQqsoHxYI/AAAAAAAAADk/fkgXyKNxFdo/s400/hippowdon.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427629932887393666" /></div><div><div style="text-align: center;">My Hippowdon is named Down Low.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 80px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1LQ1NOpltI/AAAAAAAAADs/wECwpl08F9c/s400/gyarados-f.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427630113437619922" /><div style="text-align: center;">My Gyardos is named BruceLeRoy.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 80px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1LRTYs8yJI/AAAAAAAAAD0/8oYZihuyp30/s400/magikarp-f.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427630631913572498" /></div><div style="text-align: center;">In Pokemon Blue I had a Magikarp named Chinatown. That was a long time ago. He was my favorite.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 80px; height: 80px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1LRoFIlmOI/AAAAAAAAAD8/IvbkTQsSGSw/s400/raticate.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427630987438037218" /></div><div style="text-align: center;">My Raticate is named Chewpendus.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1LSVpQV9MI/AAAAAAAAAEE/vgF4bl5AD4Y/s1600-h/charmander.png"><img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1LSVpQV9MI/AAAAAAAAAEE/vgF4bl5AD4Y/s400/charmander.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427631770228356290" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 80px; height: 80px; " /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">I have five Charmanders in my bank. Their names are Hobofoil, 2 Hottie, FlamingDud, Groper and Nostrils. I am not fond of Charmander, really. They were just trading fodder. Bulbasaur is the best starter of all.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1LSyvGlX6I/AAAAAAAAAEM/4DXugY-UIKs/s1600-h/074_geodude_2_m.png"><img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1LSyvGlX6I/AAAAAAAAAEM/4DXugY-UIKs/s400/074_geodude_2_m.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427632270014242722" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 80px; height: 80px; " /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">My Geodude is named Siffredi.</div></div>N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-47502557837882300032010-01-15T10:15:00.005-05:002010-01-15T12:43:52.906-05:00GOD HAND is the Best Action Game of All Times.<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /></span></span></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1CYVI5Az2I/AAAAAAAAADE/8wAPQgGjngk/s1600-h/9620381aaa.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 278px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1CYVI5Az2I/AAAAAAAAADE/8wAPQgGjngk/s400/9620381aaa.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427005039912734562" /></a><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1CYG38oiSI/AAAAAAAAAC8/xd2AEBq4P4k/s1600-h/godhand.jpg"></a><div><div>You have to capitalize it. <b>GOD HAND</b>. It deserves respect. It deserves caps.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've been thinking about GOD HAND a lot, because I've been playing <b>Bayonetta</b>. I'm going big on it. Going for all those achievements. Getting all those stupid unlockables. Wringing every last bit out of it that I can. It's been very enjoyable and rewarding, and the more I play it the more I appreciate it. Though without all that meta-gaming bullshit I doubt I would have returned to the game after my first playthrough. If this was, say, a PS2 game my final verdict would have been that it was a nearly great game bogged down by overlong cutscenes, overlong boss fights, overlong rail shooting levels, too many quick-time-events, too many non-combat "puzzle" bits -- there are multiple escort sequences! -- and poorly telegraphed fail states. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1CYG38oiSI/AAAAAAAAAC8/xd2AEBq4P4k/s400/godhand.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427004794846349602" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px; " /></span></div></div><div><br /></div><div>But it's not PS2! It's HD Era. It's on a console that's jacked into the net, spying on me, and <i>I kinda like it</i><i>.</i> I like seeing the achievement counter inch closer to 1000/1000. I like clawing my way past all my friends on the scoreboards. And most of all I like how open the game is post-completion, which I don't think was a common thing until the advent of achievements. I can play any stage on any difficulty at any time, all on the same save file, and this is wonderful because it means I can put off playing through those disappointing Yu Suzuki tribute stages in favor of all the good action bits. And on repeat playthroughs it's almost <i>all </i>good action bits, as the sections that irritated me previously aren't such a big deal now that I know how to pass them quickly. And because I skip all the cutscenes now. God, there are a lot of cutscenes, and not enough of them focus on Bayonetta's butt.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1CoCpEiXLI/AAAAAAAAADM/NHPoumd9TTg/s1600-h/godhand2.jpg"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/S1CoCpEiXLI/AAAAAAAAADM/NHPoumd9TTg/s400/godhand2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427022314319535282" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px; " /></a></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>So yeah, Bayonetta's pretty excellent once you get over that hump. But it's not GOD HAND. GOD HAND don't have no hump. Why would I want to play one level of GOD HAND over another? <i>Every single stage in it is awesome, </i>because every single stage is essentially the same. It is almost always about punching dudes in the head, kicking them in the nuts, and suplexing them into the ground. And when it isn't about violence against humans, or demons, or gorillas, you are still punching <i>something -- </i>there are no real key hunts or puzzles in GOD HAND, just inanimate objects that need to be punched so you can move on to the next group of thugs, who you will also punch. This is good, because the punching is more entertaining than anything else they could have included in the game. This lack of fat is what really puts Mikami's recent titles -- and man, has anyone released two unrelated games as good as GOD HAND and <b>Resident Evil 4 </b>back to back since <b>Super Mario Bros.</b> and <b>Zelda</b> 20 years earlier? -- far ahead of Kamiya's. Hell, it's what puts him far ahead of most every other developer out there, I say. If only more guys had his focus and confidence.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'll take those kind words back if his next game doesn't feature tank controls, though. </div></div>N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-18831510854118774092009-01-30T21:10:00.005-05:002009-01-31T09:32:50.840-05:00Cosmic Surfing<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SYRQfLhUDDI/AAAAAAAAACY/ZPtpUtfg3cc/s1600-h/starocean.png"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 227px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SYRQfLhUDDI/AAAAAAAAACY/ZPtpUtfg3cc/s400/starocean.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5297447558293228594" border="0" /></a>So I'm playing Star Ocean. The remake of the first one. I tried it out back when it was released in October. It seemed shallow. It seemed like I had better things to do. So I quit after 15 minutes. I didn't even save. I figured I would never try it again.<br /><br />But then the PSP port of Second Story came out, and for whatever reason I decided to give it a shot. I bought the Playstation original at release 10 years ago. I did not care for it. Boy was it slow, with all the ellipses and sweat drops. But all that stuff is more tolerable on a handheld, since I can just do something else while mashing X and waiting for all that bullshit to end. Also I think they may have sped up the text scrolling a bit. Or I just hate myself and have fewer reservations about wasting my time than I did in my teen years, which is more likely. I have this problem where I go back and re-examine things after the hate has passed to see if it's any more palatable. To see if I've grown. To see if I misunderstood it in the first place. This is a big fat waste, especially with video games. It usually just rekindles the hate. But here it wasn't too bad. I was kinda having fun with the game.<br /><br />But the entire time I was playing it was eating at me -- I should be playing them in <span style="font-style: italic;">order.</span> Even though by all reports the first game is inferior. Even though I couldn't care less about the plot. So I gave in and started First Evolution again. But I did it the smart way. I started <span style="font-style: italic;">cheating.</span><br /><br />And let me tell you there is nothing finer than cheating. This is how you make B-list J-RPGs (AKA anything not from Atlus R&D1 or Dragon Quest) tolerable. Using CWCheat I've jacked up the movement speed, turned off the crafting animations, and turned on save anywhere. I can disable random battles when I am not in the mood. I've made the game <span style="font-style: italic;">as it should have been in the first fucking place.</span> Why didn't I think to do this earlier? I've lost too many hours of my life to good games that made bad decisions.<br /><br />Not that this is a good game. I don't know if I'd praise it that much. It is OK. I promised myself I'd stop playing "just OK" games but sometimes they are interesting. It is a short game by modern RPG standards, which helps. I've been playing it for a week, I'm 12 hours in, and thanks to all my cheating to remove the tedium I am almost near the end. Even with the cheating there have been times I've thought about quitting, but I couldn't bring myself to do it because "I've already played this far and there's not <span style="font-style: italic;">that</span> much left." Poison thinking! Gamer thinking! But it's OK. I am focused on this game. I will beat it. I will move onto something better. It is keeping my mind off bad things. Keeping me clean. Keeping me off the <span style="font-style: italic;">streets.</span><br /><br />It's an odd game in some ways. Even though it was originally a Super Famicom RPG it has that Playstation feel. The opaqueness. The retarded secrets. The missable characters. The crafting. The hundreds of skills you just dump points into at random cuz you have no idea what you're doing. All that stuff that would drive you crazy unless you play with a FAQ, y'know? I didn't need a FAQ to understand the basics of Final Fantasy IV. That was good. But just about everything on the PSX was needlessly complicated. Even the stuff I enjoyed. Even Dragon Quest VII had all those stupid shards. You take a break from that game and there's no way you're coming back with a clue about what you were doing. You're going to need a FAQ. This didn't really improve as technology's progressed. I think I'd rather grind than FAQ.<br /><br />Star Ocean's a sci-fi game. Or at least that's what I was lead to believe. It was really the main reason why I wanted to play it. I'm not big on anime, but the box art! All slick and colorful. I wanted <span style="font-style: italic;">that. </span>But instead it's like one of those episodes of Star Trek they shot on the set of Gunsmoke or whatever. I understand why they had to do that on Trek. Budgets were tight, right? Options were limited. But nothing's stopping you in 2D. Nothing but your <span style="font-style: italic;">imaginations.</span> So why did Tri-Ace make this sci-fi game where you spend 10 minutes on a ship and the rest of the game traipsing through a generic fantasy land? Did they license an early version of RPG Maker that only had a limited fantasy-RPG tileset available? Marketing concerns? I dunno, maybe it's the game they wanted to make, but early on there's all this Trek influence and as it progresses it becomes more and more like every other J-RPG. Now it's all collecting emblems to open the gate to slay the DemonLord and the future-town filled with the petrified bodies of the party's friends and family has been forgotten. God, I'd actually forgotten there <span style="font-style: italic;">was</span> any spaceship and time travel business until I started writing this post.<br /><br />I'm also pretty sure this was not handled by a Japanese team. It's definitely by TOSE, or some other stealth-studio. It's attractive enough, but there's something <span style="font-style: italic;">off</span>. Something kinda Korean MMO about it all. Kinda like those PSP remakes of FF1&2. It also has plenty of bugs, like how the abilities to raise or lower the encounter rate doesn't work. And the maps are kind of a mess, often feeling like random bitmaps linked together. You know, you exit the screen to the southwest and start the next screen facing north. Totally B-team. Thankfully the dungeons are easy. Everything's easy. It's all very shallow, really. Mash X. Win. But the crafting can be neat, and the simple combat isn't too bad as long as you don't use mages, because the spell animations slow things down way too much.<br /><br />Yeah. The game's OK. I'll probably beat it today, and instead of doing the sensible thing and moving onto part 2 (which is superior in all ways aside from cutscene pacing and length) I'll start playing some other third-rate RPG. "Hey, this message board poster with the loli avatar who doesn't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're' likes Ar Tornelico. <span style="font-style: italic;">Maybe I should try it..."</span>N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-43245754824874284692009-01-24T08:15:00.013-05:002009-01-24T09:21:06.677-05:00The End Of SaGa<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXsbuGPQstI/AAAAAAAAABQ/5g7tL6ZTjTk/s1600-h/gfs_28960_2_112_mid.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 270px; height: 243px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXsbuGPQstI/AAAAAAAAABQ/5g7tL6ZTjTk/s320/gfs_28960_2_112_mid.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294856265666704082" border="0" /></a><br />My humans, mutant and monster scaled the tower, were booted to the bottom, then climbed back up only to discover that their entire adventure was just a game designed by the Creator for his own amusement. So my dudes killed him. They had the option of going through the Creator's secret door -- a door that surely lead to other worlds! -- but they declined and returned home. The End.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXsb1Wr6w5I/AAAAAAAAABY/AYEaEmJcZw8/s1600-h/gfs_28960_2_83_mid.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 270px; height: 243px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXsb1Wr6w5I/AAAAAAAAABY/AYEaEmJcZw8/s320/gfs_28960_2_83_mid.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294856390340952978" border="0" /></a><br />It was pretty awesome. I had far too much fun with this game. That may have been because it was short, I didn't pay for it, was able to speed it up in the emulator, and I FAQ'd my way through the whole thing. All that made it feel less like work and more like fun times. I wasn't obligated to play it because I stupidly bought it cuz it was on sale! I was doing it cuz I wanted to. I was doing it for love.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXsdyn-U84I/AAAAAAAAABw/hIN4hmLsiNM/s1600-h/gfs_28960_2_62_mid.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 270px; height: 243px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXsdyn-U84I/AAAAAAAAABw/hIN4hmLsiNM/s320/gfs_28960_2_62_mid.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294858542465217410" border="0" /></a><br />Now I'm thinking about maybe playing SaGa 2. I imagine the remake will be pretty different, and who knows when/if it'll come out here. But maybe I should play some of the games I paid big money for? I like a lot of those games, but I often delay playing them because, well, I like them. I postpone joy! You shouldn't do that. You never know when your number may come up.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXscq8rQppI/AAAAAAAAABo/HZjeEd2EcoQ/s1600-h/gfs_28960_2_23_mid.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 270px; height: 243px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXscq8rQppI/AAAAAAAAABo/HZjeEd2EcoQ/s320/gfs_28960_2_23_mid.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294857311071807122" border="0" /></a>(I coulda swore it said "killed". You <span style="font-style: italic;">do</span> see some dead kids later, though. Hardcore.)<br /></div><br />I bought the Last Remnant when Amazon had it on sale. Lots of people have called it a secret SaGa game, and I guess I can see that, what with its needlessly opaque systems and all. But I just couldn't get into it. It would alternate between being mindlessly easy and frustratingly difficult, and the battles just dragged on and on due to all the combat animations. Its world and art design also did nothing for me. Or my room mate, who repeatedly called it "the gayest thing" she's ever seen. The technical issues, which seemed to be the big reason why it reviewed so terribly, were totally overblown, though. You install the game and its problems are no worse than any recent highly rated WRPG I've played. But still. Too damn slow. Maybe someone will release a mod for the PC version that greatly increases the speed of the battle animations. That would be nice. I want to like it more than I did. Its systems were weird but it sure wasn't <span style="font-style: italic;">SaGa</span> weird.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXsiLXcx17I/AAAAAAAAACI/oRVOT4UR-NQ/s1600-h/gfs_28960_2_56_mid.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 270px; height: 243px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXsiLXcx17I/AAAAAAAAACI/oRVOT4UR-NQ/s320/gfs_28960_2_56_mid.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294863365572777906" border="0" /></a><br />I don't have much nostalgia for 16-bit Square RPGs. I loved them at release, and I can still appreciate them, but my fondness for the SNES has waned over the years. That sound chip? I was blown away when I heard that music in Super Mario World, man. The pianos kinda sounded like real pianos! But now I prefer that Genesis chip. It's <span style="font-style: italic;">raunchy</span>. It's not pretending to be something it isn't. It's its own thing and it doesn't care what you think. Like SaGa.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXshNlM-D3I/AAAAAAAAAB4/O4Nf-e6Lai0/s1600-h/gfs_28960_3_1_mid.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 270px; height: 243px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXshNlM-D3I/AAAAAAAAAB4/O4Nf-e6Lai0/s320/gfs_28960_3_1_mid.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294862304112676722" border="0" /></a><br />I hope so!<br /><br />I'm going to sleep. I stole these images from GameFAQs. Thank you, whoever posted them all!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXshqE0QBNI/AAAAAAAAACA/8iVyZKEeq5E/s1600-h/gfs_28960_3_5_mid.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 270px; height: 243px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXshqE0QBNI/AAAAAAAAACA/8iVyZKEeq5E/s320/gfs_28960_3_5_mid.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294862793635267794" border="0" /></a>N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-22408846906447831232009-01-23T06:54:00.007-05:002010-01-19T19:04:39.347-05:00RANDOM SCREENSHOT POST #2<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXmwrf-0PDI/AAAAAAAAABI/l65tfF7bkFE/s1600-h/ani83.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 56px; height: 64px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXmwrf-0PDI/AAAAAAAAABI/l65tfF7bkFE/s320/ani83.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294457098316561458" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Who's that Pokemon??</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;">It's Psyduck! I was somewhat disappointed when I took the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon personality test and did not get him. Instead I got Squirtle, which is OK. He's a jokester. He has a gang, and they cause trouble, but it's all for fun. I think. Was the Squirtle Gang episode the one that ripped off the Seven Samurai? I feel like I've seen a billion cartoons that have ripped off that film's plot, but I can't think of any others off the top of my head right now. I just know I sure felt dumb when I finally saw it. "Oh! I should have known this was the movie everyone was lifting from!" Psyduck is the best Pokemon.<br /></div><br /></div></div>N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-18870526976151413612009-01-22T04:42:00.007-05:002009-01-22T05:18:18.645-05:00"Poor king...murdered by his own man"I am still playing SaGa/Final Fantasy Legend. It's enjoyable how broken and odd it is. Once I got past the opening grind it's been pretty damn easy, with my mutant's odd, disappearing/reappearing skills laying most everything to waste on the first turn. My humans are really just there to take over when the mutant is without a good combat skill. The monster is there for comic relief -- he went from a bull to a worm to a piranha with a TUSK attack and...well, right now I have no idea what he is. There's a FAQ that details how the meat transformations work but I don't really want to know. I like surprises.<br /><br />I remembered spending the majority of the game lost in a tower, but so far the tower segments have been really brief. I did not recall any of these side-worlds you visit at all. I've been to Hell, and Waterworld, and you start off in a typical fantasy kingdom but with a large cephalopod population. I also went to Paradise. Its residents enjoy a life of nothing but eating and sleeping more than I do. It was the first stop on the tower, I think, and I'm wondering why the party didn't just quit the climb right there. The game's such an odd hodgepodge of scifi and fantasy, moreso than any FF game. I mean, my party's inventory is made up of Colt .45s, SMGs, Sabers, Battle Axes, tomes of Fire Magic, beast nails, Grenades, and Rocks. Rocks are surprisingly strong. The world design so far is a similar mess. The whole game...it's not very cohesive. There wasn't much thought put into any of it, I don't think. Sooo it's a lot like this blog, really. And I think that's why I like it. There's a lot to be said for games that don't really know what they're doing. Or games that do know, but don't really care that it's not "right". You know what I mean? You don't see it much from Japan or the West nowadays. Thank God for Eastern Europe. And Kawazu!N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-74370900716453890812009-01-19T16:17:00.004-05:002010-02-03T06:50:10.136-05:00SaGaGaGaSo they're <a href="http://www.square-enix.co.jp/saga2/">remaking SaGa 2</a>. I'm not big on the art style they're using. I'm sure I wouldn't mind it in any other game. It's clean, colorful, nice enough. But I always think of SaGa being all flowery and watercolors, y'know? Maybe that's me applying my impressions from the later games to the earlier ones, cuz the GB games were just little pixel turds wandering around, but without that style...SaGa's retarded, right? As far as I can tell it makes no sense. But if you wrap it in an artsy craftsy art-style you trick me into thinking it's really just <span style="font-style: italic;">too deep for me to understand</span>. Modern shonen art, though? That means it's probably just <span style="font-style: italic;">dumb.</span><br /><br />I owned Final Fantasy Legend AKA SaGa 1 as a kid. I kinda loved it. It was the only game I had with me while at camp. Another kid had a Turbo Express with Galaga 88 and boy was I jealous of that kid. But SaGa was cool. I had a party with a mutant, and a monster, and I was climbing a tower so I could kill God? I was getting close to the end, too. Then some other kid stole it. I have no idea who it was. I'm sure they regretted it once they started playing the game.<br /><br />So this remake announcement has inspired me to try SaGa again. I took a stab at it last summer, but didn't get more than a few minutes in. This time is different, though. I'm cheating from the start. I've got many tabs open with FAQs in each one. I will get over that opening hump and I am going to kill the shit outta God.<br /><br />Two humans. One mutant. One monster - I went with goblin. We head out of town. We are battling. I need to return to an inn after the first battle. And then the third. And now...I can't afford to heal, because mutants randomly gain HP during battle, and healing at an inn costs 1GP for every HP you need restored. And the only way to level up my humans? By buying items. But I can't afford items, because I need to spend all my money on healing. This is like my life. I can't get a car cuz I don't have a job and I don't have a job because I never went to school and I didn't go to school because I had to get a job and I think Alice Cooper had a song like that. And this FAQ is like my parents, it has no good advice!<br /><br />Eating the flesh of my enemies has turned my goblin into a skeleton, and now an albatross, and now back to a goblin. One of the skeleton attacks is "BONE" and the goblin's "NAIL". My monster has the lowest HP out of the entire party but he is the only one who hasn't died yet.<br /><br />I have discovered that you can buy potions. They cost less than staying at an inn! These old UIs, they are tricky and make you feel dumb! But it is also my own fault, because I am not putting in the effort. Trying to learn the game as I should. I have the emulator set to turbo, and so I am missing a lot of what's going on. Like how my mutant learned some special abilities at some point, and has been using them instead of attacking, causing the battles to drag on for much longer than they were previously. I guess I need to pay attention!<br /><br />Rather than buy armor I spent money on an HP increasing potion for my female human. Success through substance abuse rather than experience. My mutant has learned the ability "GAS" and it is killing enemies in one hit. I better use it every chance I get, because who knows how long it'll be before it gets randomly replaced by some lesser ability, like "QUEEF".<br /><br />(I know if I ever re-read this post I'll want to kill myself for that last line.)<br /><br />From a FAQ:<br /><br />"If you are already at the maximum strength or agility (255), equipping a piece of armor that boosts that specific stat will temporarily reset that stat back to ~1, until you unequip that armor."<br /><br />That's how you know it's a SaGa!<br /><br />The king has offered me a reward of "anything I want" if I convince a girl in a southern town to marry him. The girl is an octopus. My mutant has 200HP. My humans have 60. My monster has 20. In addition to GAS my mutant has learned MIRROR. Then ARMOR, which was replaced by ELECTRO. Then ESP replaced MIRROR. Then MIRROR replaced ESP. This was over the course of 20 or so battles. SaGa! I've done little more than grind for money so far. I don't know if you do anything else in this game. I know I made a post this morning about how terrible grinds are, but this is different. This is black & white. This has a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5GBnH2wyPI&feature=related">catchy 8-bit theme</a>. This has monsters transforming through the power of meat, and a mutant with gas and short term memory loss, and drug-addicted humans, and towns and kings named HERO, SWORD, SHIELD and ARMOR. It <a href="http://blog.wired.com/tableofmalcontents/images/hokusai_octopus.jpg">endorses bestiality.</a> This all makes it rewarding. It makes a difference!N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-39161945177095079302009-01-19T04:45:00.006-05:002010-02-10T06:59:00.692-05:00Passionate LoverMy dreams! They have not come true. I was hoping this blog would inspire me to work my way through my underplayed video games. That writing would increase the fun! But you know what? I don't want to do that. I just want to beat people up. I want to play Street Fighter, and read about Street Fighter, and watch videos of Street Fighter. I'm wondering why did I ever buy any other games? They're not as good as Street Fighter. They lack passion. They're checklists - I completed this and this and this and I am done. Now move onto the next!<br />
<br />
Though part of me would like a checklist. A really good one. This is the bad part of me, the part that doesn't want to take responsibility for my life, the part that just wants to ignore that I'm getting old and time is running out to succeed. I was playing WoW for awhile. That was a mistake. It is nothing but a checklist, and it is an easy way to kill time, but I think I need to start loving time instead of killing it. I canceled my account. I didn't spend too much time playing it, and I didn't pay much, so it is good. More time for writing, for the gym, for street fightin'.<br />
<br />
NOW I WILL PICK A VIDEO GAME SCREENSHOT AT RANDOM FROM THE THOUSANDS I HAVE AVAILABLE ON THIS HARD DRIVE<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXRNDLV2wDI/AAAAAAAAAAw/nAvhncVsKUY/s1600-h/eden4qm7.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5292940179046580274" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ObA_WE1fM8o/SXRNDLV2wDI/AAAAAAAAAAw/nAvhncVsKUY/s320/eden4qm7.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 240px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 320px;" /></a><br />
Oh. I...don't even know what game that is. I am guessing someone posted that to some message board, and I laughed, and saved it so I could laugh again at a later date. And I'd say it is still pretty funny! Probably from some Amiga game. I bet it's by Psygnosis. I wanted an Amiga as a kid. I didn't know of any games for it, I just knew it could display lots of colors? A neighbor had a C64. I played Karnov on it. It was terrible. Like even worse than Karnov usually is, I think. He didn't have a Nintendo. Just his C64 with Karnov and a 2600. That poor kid.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-22840368100421032912009-01-15T06:25:00.003-05:002009-01-15T06:47:48.706-05:00Chris White Was RightExcept it's not our year. It's <span style="font-style: italic;">my </span>year. I'm not gonna share it! I'm gonna hog all the victory, for I have a winning record in SF2 this week! Today I took a few lumps, and the win ratio went down a bit, but it wasn't enough. Nothing can stop me, not even the grave.<br /><br />Though if Street Fighter 4 is as good as it looks it may tear me away. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehWCeaH6L2E">Look! Cammy!</a> The first thing you see is her butt. You don't even need to win a match for a peek at the cheeks now! That is very wholesome, unlike Sakura. I always liked her but now that she's 22 and still dressed like a school girl the whole thing seems pretty unseemly rather than cute.<br /><br />(Half this blog is me talking about female Street Fighter characters. That was not the original plan. I'm <span style="font-style: italic;">this close </span>to being one of those guys with a lovepillow and wallscroll collection, aren't I? I can't get into that stuff! If my mom saw them she'd stop cleaning my room! As a precaution I am going to unsubscribe to NCS's RSS Feed.)<br /><br />I was going to talk about new news! But I am tired now. I must retire.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-9547633142305304652009-01-13T02:31:00.004-05:002009-01-13T03:20:33.174-05:00January Is A Good Time To Look Back...even though it is a new year! The future may be here but it has not brought much with it. It is the same story every year! So I use this dead time to play some older things.<br /><br />Like Chrono Trigger. I have played it before, of course. But I received the DS port for Christmas. It is a very good game, but I am somewhat bored. It is not very challenging so far. I just mash A, and I win. Which probably would be fine, since every other aspect of the game is excellent. But even though it has been so many moons since my first time, and I do not remember it as well as I remember many other first times, I remember enough that none of it is very surprising. I think right now I would rather just flip through an art book and listen to the soundtrack than play it, y'know? I am probably being too harsh. I bet my love will bloom again if I press on. Probably once I get the blonde in the furry bikini.<br /><br />I am still hooked on Street Fighter 2. I won more than I lost today! It was a good day. I am excited about the Street Fighter 4, though I am concerned about the online. SF2HD's netcode is pretty fabulous (on 360 - the PS3 version is a mess) and if 4 isn't on par I am going to be very disappointed. I am a lonely man who needs to dominate other men from a distance. Do not get too close! It scares me.<br /><br />I purchased many digital goods over the last month. So many sales! Today I tried once again to figure out how the hell you play Space Rangers 2. I put an hour or two into it. It is very Russian. Its English is worse than mine. I managed to clear the tutorial, I think, but afterwards I was still feeling lost and unsure of just what I should be doing. And I know that if I plugged at it it would all eventually click, and I would fall in love, and lose many hours. But I am not sure I want to lose many hours. Losing hours in a bad way so I can start losing them in a good way seems silly to me now. I have done it in the past -- I sure didn't understand Valkyrie Profile for quite some time for instance -- but I am older and tireder and I have to get in shape because I have a blind date in a month. Do I want to invest in a firm body or Eastern European space trading games? My body will be gone before Space Rangers is! Let us do it first.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-56505284328458735312009-01-12T02:45:00.003-05:002009-01-12T03:06:09.655-05:00This Post Would Be More Interesting But I Have The FluHey! The Wii remake of Klonoa is coming to the U.S. That's pretty good news. Wii's been pretty dead since...I don't even remember the last retail Wii game I bought. Maybe copy of Fire Emblem I got for $17? And I didn't even play it. It just drove me to finally play Path of Radiance, which was a good thing. And it was a good game, though I had to skip through all the cutscenes because I just could not stand all the damn furries.<br /><br />Anyway, Klonoa is a great game. Probably the best original Playstation game as far as I'm concerned. I'm not expecting the remake to replace the original - in the screenshots you can see they upped your hearts from 3 to 5, and if they touched the ending at all that's an automatic DQ. I don't care much for stories in video games. I can't think of many that made me feel a damn thing. But shit, the end of Klonoa had me crying like a baby. I don't remember many cutscenes prior to that. I think it was just a very simple story? Unlike Klonoa 2, where they just yakked and yakked and yakked forever. I know Klonoa 2 has its fans but I am pretty sure most of them haven't played the original. It's far, far better. I thought the GBA games were better than 2 also.<br /><br />I see it's now technically Monday. How about that! Mondays used to be kinda cool. I'd turn on my Wii, check out the Shop channel, usually end up buying something. Then Nintendo stopped putting up stuff to buy. And I got tired of dealing with the storage limitations. It's all for the best. I know all those Virtual Console games I bought were a waste, and won't carry over to the next Nintendo console. Regret! Digital distribution kinda sucks.<span style="font-style: italic;"></span>N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-31254960847359251342009-01-09T23:51:00.003-05:002009-01-10T01:00:54.122-05:00Fists Can Solve Any Problem<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.atlus.com/res/tokyobeatdown_screens_16.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 256px; height: 192px;" src="http://www.atlus.com/res/tokyobeatdown_screens_16.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>That's a funny screenshot, right? It's obvious the translation team is having fun. A lot of recent translations have been too clever for their own good -- Dragon Quest IV was a new (to me) installment in my favorite series but all the stupid accents and terrible jokes were such a turnoff that I still haven't finished it -- but the kids at Atlus? It's cute when they do it.<br /><br />I don't know if the game (<a href="http://www.atlus.com/tokyobeatdown/">Tokyo Beatdown</a>) will be any good, but the trailer looks <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blWGpM-MNWo">kinda OK.</a> Kinda reminded me of Dynamite Deka or Elevator Action Returns but, y'know, only in a very surface way. I'm sure if I actually played or watched a video of either game I'd be ashamed of myself for writing that. But they all have that goofy macho thing going on, right? Not too far off.<br /><br />When I first saw the title I got excited, thinking it had to be a localization of another Kunio-kun game or <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmwYygAyM98">Kenka Banchou,</a> (which may not be <span style="font-style: italic;">that</span> good but any game featuring <a href="http://i41.tinypic.com/2qbr43r.jpg">teenage Japanese biker thugs shooting laser beams from their brains</a> can't be <span style="font-style: italic;">bad</span>) but nope. It's just another game by Success. I say that like it's a bad thing but I'm honestly not sure if I've played a game from them? I must have at some point but I sure can't think of anything off the top of my head. I just know everyone trashes them and I'm lazy so I follow the herd. Are they the guys who release all those lousy SRPGs? I <span style="font-style: italic;">do </span>know they're behind <a href="http://www.atlus.com/darkspire/">the Dark Spire</a>, which <span style="font-style: italic;">has </span>to be good because I want it to be.<br /><br />Checking their wiki entry I see a whole mess of games I've played, and they're mostly OK. I know Metal Saga had the funniest ending I've ever seen in a video game, and it occurred 3 minutes after I started playing. And I'd link you to a youtube video of it, but if there is one I can't find it due to the billion fucking Metal Gear Solid music videos. I'll have to rip it myself, or type up a transcript and post it here. It's fabulous.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7132485688749041139.post-90865334614630732552009-01-08T00:41:00.004-05:002009-01-08T01:34:59.339-05:00How I Wasted WednesdayI wasted it with <a href="http://store.steampowered.com/app/18500/">DEFENSE GRID</a>! I <span style="font-style: italic;"><a href="http://gaygamer.net/2007/02/alex_ward_doesnt_beat_games.html">beat</a> </span>Defense Grid! It was hard at the end. I had to actually think and plan and strategize, which is good, but I kinda like it when I don't have to do those things. I don't think I'm big on difficulty curves, or at least not traditional ones. Lots of people complain about easy final acts but not me! I love them. Frontload the difficulty, I say. Or have it spike occasionally throughout the game. But at the end? Just let me win. I wanna get it over with. I want to see the ending!<br /><br />(Defense Grid had no ending. Maybe I have to earn all golds and beat all the challenge modes to get one. I'm hoping it's a happy one. The game is narrated by a pretty miserable gay British AI who keeps having 'Nam flashbacks. I was hoping he'd pull it together at the end, maybe have his consciousness transferred into a new human body. Maybe have his dead baby come back to life, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEwZ68vWYQo">wearing high-heeled shoes and a low-neck sweater</a>. Zzzzap. It's not a big deal since I tend to tune out during all video game cutscenes but I grew kinda attached to my little gay robot buddy. I hope he's OK!)<br /><br />I'm late to this tower defense genre. I tried the flash versions but none of them grabbed me. I think I've tried it a few times in WC3 but was just confused. I've played just about all the major console and handheld releases from the last year, though. They all seemed OK enough but none of them really grabbed me, except Ninjatown, which surprised me. Ninjas are tired, round cutesy art is tired, jokes are tired, but I really dug it. Defense Grid is far superior, though. I can't tell you why! I don't understand these things! But maybe it's the pacing. Most TD games I've played kinda drag. They alternate between boredom and panic. (Maybe I should take back what I said about difficulty spikes - spikes are good as long as they don't come after long boring easy bits!) Defense Grid lets you fast forward. All fast! No twiddling thumbs! Action! Action! Action! Even though I'm mainly just watching these little towers blow up aliens I feel like I'm in control because I'm holding down a button to make it go fast, and if I don't want it to go fast I let go of the button. I pull the strings! It's nice.<br /><br />I also played some of the Quake Live beta. I guess I'm under NDA? But no one's reading this, and I don't think it's a crime to say it's just Quake 3 in a web browser. Which is really fancy and impressive, and Quake 3 is great. But I just suck at it, and I can't blame it on dialup nowadays. Though I did keep checking the scoreboard to see if the higher ranking players had a lower ping than me. I bet they were using aimbots.N. Ukstinashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04650728849337391106noreply@blogger.com0